tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8671848640612472409.post8788771288156573677..comments2007-12-11T23:09:52.964-08:00Comments on Flying: Confessions of a Free Woman: "Talking in Scandinavia" Part I - Finlandflyingconfessionshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03081739807659711753noreply@blogger.comBlogger1125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8671848640612472409.post-25795311122751499542007-12-11T22:37:00.000-08:002007-12-11T22:37:00.000-08:00Oh, sister...do we have a LOT to talk about!! Aft...Oh, sister...do we have a LOT to talk about!! After doing the internet research, I now know a bit more about you--on one hand, we couldn't be more opposite. On the other, we are completely on the same wave length. To respond to this specific blog entry about men, women, and inner feelings: I crave women friends to discuss things with in the way I do inside my head--I have made the mistake of talking to my husband about them and felt "shot down" emotionally. He never has and never will "get" me. I am a writer--it is cathartic for me to write about these private feelings. At times, he has discovered my writing--I have never felt so violated. I mean, if I want to express the fact that I am feeling crappy about my marriage, I don't want him to read about it!! I feel that I have absolutely no privacy--I HAVE to express myself, but I live in fear of him reading my blog or hearing my taped confessions or reading my journal. When he does, a huge argument ensues--he doesn't understand my feelings, he thinks that my expressions to others is my way of escaping from him, he wants me to keep my personal life to myself. Listen, I have been married to this guy for over 20 years--I was crazy about him in high school and couldn't wait to marry him back then--we did when I was 18 and he was 21. NOW--who the hell IS this guy?!! I ask myself every day--why am I still here?--my answer, try to keep it together a few more years til our kids, 13 and 15, grow up and leave home--then, when they "fly away", so will I. I feel guilty for not loving him anymore and wanting so much to be free--my childhood groomed me for marriage and family and my parents will be devastated if I don't honor my marriage commitments--but damn it, I want to be happy!! So much more to say, but I will end it for now. Suffice it to say: the grass is not always greener on the other side. Truth is, I really envy YOUR freedom--one day, I will live my life without feeling as if there is a censor listening to my every word ready to pounce on me for expressing myself. Damn it, this caged bird is dying to fly free!!Kate Ryanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00578840647036161365noreply@blogger.com